Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She's the barista slut.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
