My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
