Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Still dying that you shit outside
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
