i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize