I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
