Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
