Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she smelled like a LAN party
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
