Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
