dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
