Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize