nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
