I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
