i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She announced her abortion via fbk
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
