Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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