Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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