marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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