Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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