I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
