im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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