I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
