So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Couch. On fire.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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