allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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