38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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