You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
