how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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