is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
