Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
