i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
