Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
