so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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