some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
