Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
