then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
