i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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