i think my tv is drunk
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
