nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
