I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
