This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
