You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
