Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
