The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
