yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
