chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
