my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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