Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
