Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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