So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
