He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
