Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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