I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
