my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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