I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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