shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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