those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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