it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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