Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
