You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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