When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
