I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I can't put those talents on a resume
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
