its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
