yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
